I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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