All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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