I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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