covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
