I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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