Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
