i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
