ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
birth control should be required to get into college
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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