my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize