I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
