I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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