why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Randomize
