We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
