the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You can't special order awesome
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
