He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Randomize
