Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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