you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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