is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
