i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize