she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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