I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
your like the ambassador to my penis.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
