Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I have feelings that need drinking.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
