There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
