We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
