That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
