tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize