im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize
