Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
