shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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