Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
