I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
