and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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