I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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