I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I can't turn off my feet"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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