I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
