God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
