I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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