Christians are straight up FREAKS
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
