everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
