We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
