Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
