I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Randomize
