operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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