there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
