matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
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