I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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