I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
