I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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