If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
