I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
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