Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize