I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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