he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
