he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
