try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
