So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
