My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
