The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
