Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
