My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
