when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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