i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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