im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
