Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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