Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
i think i have two assholes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Still dying that you shit outside
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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