fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
BRING THE BAGELS
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
