I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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