We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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