yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
