It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
