how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I won the penis lottery.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
