i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
