at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
