I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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