i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
