mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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