Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
