We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
