Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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