Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
