this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
