No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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