Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
