im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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