i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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