upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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