We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
