you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
