so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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