You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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